If you're reading this, you've reached the most remote corner of the internet. In all likelihood, you are the first and last visitor to these bytes. You're in the attic, past the holiday decorations and the opossum's nest, where an eave meets a crossbeam. You're on your hands and knees in absolute darkness with a night-vision microscope. At maximum magnification, you're staring at the texture on some sawdust and there, between the striations, is this blog.