Monday night, I saw a screening of Wanted starring James McAvoy, Morgan Freeman and Angelina Jolie and was surprised at some of the decisions that were made story-wise, so I was going to post a plot summary here. It started to get really long and there were only a few items I really wanted to get to, so here they are: the Top 13 Excerpts from My Plot Summary for Wanted. Don't read this if you don't want to know anything that happens in the movie or the ending or whatever.
13. "He hears a noise and fires. Oh no! It's not him, it's the guy who hangs out by the wax baths and straps little bombs to rats!"
12. "Then this happens. Then, right after that, that guy gets a phone call: those assassins were decoys. He looks down and he is standing on an 'X' and a bullet goes through his head, from back to front. The bullet exits his skull, then slows and freezes, then runs in reverse, tracing its flight back, literally miles away, to an apartment so you can see he was shot by a guy sitting on a couch with some insane sharp-shooting device."
11. "Angelina Jolie makes out with him in slow motion."
10. "Bullet has a piece of cloth indicating the Loom of Fate wants Morgan Freeman dead, but he says Couch just wanted McAvoy to have a normal life and then he leaves. McAvoy weighs his options and then he finds a secret room where Couch had all his weapons, maps of the textile factory and drawings of rats with little bombs on them."
9. "Then there's a car chase during which Jolie puts a Viper into a controlled flip over a police barricade. McAvoy says 'sorry' to the police as he looks down at them through the empty windshield frame in midair."
8. "The train car falls several hundred feet, but it's wedged between the mountains just above a river and they are still alive."
7. "McAvoy produces the Loom of Fate's order for Morgan Freeman's death. Freeman reveals several more orders, each one for one of the assassins in the circle, claiming he saved them all and says if anyone wants to be a Loom of Fate purist, then they should turn their gun on themselves. Angelina Jolie smiles and sets a bullet in motion around the room, killing every assassin in the room and tosses her gun to McAvoy before the bullet comes full circle, entering her temple."
6. "It's late and no one else is in the office. Someone is approaching the back of McAvoy's head. A gun! It's Morgan Freeman! McAvoy spins around. It's not McAvoy! A decoy! Morgan Freeman looks down and he's standing on an 'X' of Post-It Notes and he says 'oh, fuck' or something like that and a bullet pushes through his forehead from inside his skull. The bullet freezes, then runs in reverse tracing its flight back (a la Scene 2) many miles, through the hole in McAvoy's boss' donut, to Couch's apartment, McAvoy's new home. During the bullet's backward flight, McAvoy has been explaining how he's taken control of his life. Then he looks into the camera and asks what you, the movie-goer, have done recently that's so great."
5. "His bank balance gives him new found confidence at work where he gives his boss a good talking to and then hits his best friend in the face with a keyboard. As the keys fly through the air, their motion is slowed so that you can see they actually spell out 'FUCK YOU' in midair, the last 'U' being one of his buddy's teeth (long roots)."
4. "He and everyone else in 'The Fraternity' is able to recover from all manner of stab wounds and broken bones because they are in possession of wax bath technology that increases white blood cell activity."
3. "McAvoy gets a dump truck and a shopping cart full of peanut butter. He props up a ramp into the back and pours peanut butter inside thereby attracting the necessary number of rats into the dump truck."
2. "Morgan Freeman takes McAvoy on a tour of the textile factory, ending in the room containing the Loom of Fate which is exactly what it sounds like: a loom that spins fabric and if you look real close at the threads of the fabric, you can read the imperfections as binary patterns that spell out the name of the next person that 'fate' wants killed."
1. "McAvoy pulls up to the textile factory with the dump truck, presumably full of rats with little digital watch bombs strapped to them. He crashes through the gate in reverse and hits the dump button. Yep, it's full of rats with little bombs. In thirty seconds, they have infested every square foot of the complex. The camera swirls around a rat hanging in midair Matrix-style bullet-time suspension as the digital clock on its side reads 0:00.01. The rat squeaks at 0:00.00, then all the rats blow up, killing a couple henchmen and doing some structural damage, but mostly just creating a diversion."